In all my years as a student, I know I've changed a lot. Back when I was young, I was a very timid student. I rarely participated in class activities in fear of humiliation and I always doubted myself. In my mind, teachers were scary, imposing figures of authority. Sometimes they scowled, but other times they smiled. And while some of them were very welcoming and encouraging, I preferred keeping to myself instead of talking.
Despite being a recluse of sorts, I did my homework and studied all the time. My marks were good, but my teachers said that if I participated in recitations, my grades would be higher. That was something I've heard a lot of times, and I told myself that I'd really do it - raise my hand and speak up - but whenever the dreaded time came, I got cold feet and I'd sink lower into my seat - wishing, just wishing that I had enough confidence to raise my hand.
I'm not too fond of speaking in front of people. The scrutinizing gazes made my skin prickle with discomfort and I often glanced at the floor or the ceiling, anything but the people watching me. It was a never-ending cycle: I'd tell myself to go ahead and take a chance - what was the worst that could happen? - but once I see the number of people in front of me, I lose my so-called bravado and clench my hands in a futile attempt to calm my nerves.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that any form of encouragement means so much to me. Maybe a smile, a nod of acknowledgement, or an "Okay," would be fine. I'm so used to second-guessing myself that I'm pretty sure I don't have an ounce of confidence in my body. Harsh criticism, failure... Those are things I experienced numerous times yet I'm still not used to. They make me feel raw and exposed.
I remember, when I was in elementary, one of my teachers told me to believe in myself. Needless to say, I was thankful for that.
Teachers do so much more than educating. They instill values, inspire, and dedicate themselves to their students. And someway, somehow, it worked.
They may give countless tirades and harangues, but come the end of the day, I'll realize that they were only trying to help. Sure, these are trying times, but I know that with the right people, I'll get through just fine.
In the end, I'll look back on these years and think it's been the best journey anyone could ask for. No matter how things turn up, I will always be thankful for what they've done.
After all, sometimes, all we need is a push in the right direction.
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